There was once a man who had a son. The son had no legs, no body and no arms. He only had a head. However, the father still loved him and looked after him well. On his 18th birthday, the father took his son to the pub to have his first pint. The son took his first sip and… BOOM! An arm popped out. He took another sip… BOOM! A leg popped out. With every sip he took, the son gained more limbs until he had everything. The son was so happy, he ran outside with excitement and got hit by a lorry and died instantly.

The father said, that’s a shame, he should have quit while he was ahead.

Santa Claus goes to the doctor and says “doctor, I think I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my bottom”. The doctor looks and says “oh dear, you do indeed have a mince pie stuck up your bottom. But you’re in luck – I’ve got some cream for that”.